The Silent Sexual Violence in Dysfunctional Marriages–or–How to Develop Sado-masochistic fantasies in your children
Violence reigned in my family.
Not the beating-up kind.
The ‘other’ kind.
“The other kind?”
Yes–the ‘other kind.’
“I’m not sure I know…”
Ah, you don’t get it. Let me explain.
“Okay.”
So, when I say the words ‘family violence,’ what picture comes to mind? Close your eyes and really look.
“Okay…I’ve got it.”
Did your picture include any of these–
People in a physical fight–grabbing, pinching, slapping, punching, shoving, hitting? Someone yelling insults, or screaming threats? Or an icy, crushing silence? A fist slammed into a wall; plates, knives, food, furniture thrown or broken? A raging adult? A woman or children in the scene? Sexualized behavior that’s demeaning or molesting? Visible hurts? Police, neighbors, social services called? Any of these in your picture?
“Okay. Yes. Some of those.”
Good–because that’s the ‘what-you-expect-to-see’ type of family violence–the in-your-face, wild fury or icy shutout. “I’m here, and don’t you fuckin’ forget it.” It’s easy to identify, terrible to endure.
This violence sickens the space it occupies, spews damage, and leaves brokenness behind. Help comes, or maybe it doesn’t. Onlookers gawk. Victims sustain damages. Then, like a never-ending war, there’s a break in the action–a mini-cease fire. All the hurt, the anger, the damage, gets shoved into the closet–still breathing, dangerous, and alive–but–for the moment–out of the way. Until it comes back.
Get the picture? That’s what people tend to see when they think, family violence.
“Okay. So, what’s ‘the other kind?'”